Arr, today me mornin’ started with a jaunty cruise to de’ tech. Today be me 5th year of swabbing the decks and keelhauling lubbers. Me captain give me no black mark ‘twas not in me cards for today. Today ‘twas bestowed upon me the north star of service. A mark to be proud of, me gait has a bit of an extra swagger on this day.

Arr methinks that the trek to the tech was in vain this morn. Twas not no reason for me ta be in the wild iffin me bunk was fair and true. Arr, so me scuttled me heathen arse out the door and sailed for home port. From me bunk I launched me attack across thar intee’net. Twas a good shot too, right on the target.

After the scuttlebutt I made haste to me ship and set sail for the Island that is long. Twas a grueling trip with nary a stop for nary sustenance nor privy. Avast, at thirty leagues from the island me wind died, twas right bad luck. I carried on and made landfall at 10 past the hour of 7 in the dark and stormy of night. Aye twas a terrible landfall, the natives were scoundrels the likes I’ve nary laid eyes upon. No room for a pirate the likes of me to pillage and plunder. Natives ‘twere ‘spectin’ me captain hisself and his ship, not me and my rusty scow. I invoked the right of parlay and the natives availed thee selves of their luxury and finery for meself, a poor miscreant.

I dined upon sweets of the sea the likes I nary laid me eyes upon. Yarr, me belly be full of fine orange mollusks. I be stuffed to the gills like a flounder’s gullet on Christmas Day.

I pillaged and plundered the local storehouse for supplies that in me haste to set sail left me lacking me rusty knife for the shaving of me beard. Me eyes found a treasure chest in the storehouse and stole a fancy image with me soul stealer. I had me nary a doubloon to me name to buy me that fancy treasure chest. Looting were no option neither since here royal majesty’s guards were keepin’ a watchful eye upon the treasure.

Arr thee blade me pillaged from the storehouse cut like a rusty knife covered in barnacles that be left in yonder chumbucket fo’ nary a month.