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I have always known that I’ve wanted to be a dad. All my life I’ve been told that I’d make a great dad someday. Usually told to me by girls who just wanted to be friends, but I digress. I found my one and only and we were married and tried to start a family. The first pregnancy came and we were jubilant, who would be this new child in our lives that would make us a mom and a dad. We shared our excitement with friends and family only to have it taken away from us. Our first baby did not come. This hardened my heart.
Over the years life has taught me not to talk about a thing until it is real and physical and actual. I had forgotten that in my excitement over learning that I was going to be a dad for the first time. I let my guard down and allowed myself to be happy before the actual event. I was devastated by the news which was compounded by my being away when it happened. Our sadness was further compounded by having to share in the joy of our good friends bringing their first child into the world on that day. I give my wife and I credit for being strong enough to share in their happiness while we were so shattered. I became guarded and skeptical when Allison became pregnant a second time. I was there at every doctor’s session looking for potential bad news. I would not allow myself to be happy or dream of a child in our lives. I didn’t want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed again.
On October 10, 2007 I finally became a dad. Our beautiful baby girl, Eva was born in a real hurry. We arrived at the hospital at 10am and she arrived in the world at 12:10pm. While that may seem like a short time, especially to moms with over 36 hour labors, it felt like an eternity for me. All the visits said that our baby was doing okay (I did not want to know the gender of our baby, another possibility to get my hopes up that I did not want) but I wanted certainty and would not get that until I held our baby in my arms. Eva rocketed into the world full of life and a knotted umbilical cord. She had been in distress but we were lucky that she was born so fast that the knot left no lasting issues.
I watched my baby girl like a hawk. She did not leave my sight or my side while she was in the hospital. When the nurses came to take her to measure and check her out I went with them. I changed her first diaper and so many more after that. Allison can brag that she did not have to change a diaper for the first two weeks following Eva’s birth. I would gladly do the job. Eva’s birth allowed that hard heart of mine to crack and realize that yes, this baby girl of ours was here, was healthy and was the reason I could now be called a Dad.
